The Misadventures of the Lords of Loot.

Episode 2:  The Joys of House Looting

If you know of any of the great looters of our time, then you will know the grand heists they pulled in their career.  When the members of Looters Inc. head our for the evening, there is no telling what will happen.  Our heroes Heron and Nyxmir decided to join a guild in hopes to kill them all, maybe even get friended to a house, and take as much loot as possible.  Good plan, eh?  We headed to Britain to find a good banksitting, tamer guild (since we all know that is the place to look).  Once there, Nyxmir realized the guildmaster would recognize him, so he left in hopes that Heron would be accepted into the loving arms of the naive Trammelites.  He is unsuccessful since the guildmaster is not available, but he does follow one of the guild members to an undecorated sandstone house.  Everyone knows that and undecorated tamer house in Trammel will not stay that way for long.  Everyone leaves the house for a moment and Finster runs in to hide.  Just then they return, chat for five more minutes, and our story begins:

"Heather" (a dude) has decided that his/her guests should be leaving, so he/she decides to gate them away.  The text in the journal says "I got tons to do and need no one around :)"  Well I have a feeling I shall make your decorating easier by relieving you of your belongings.  So "Heather" (a dude) logs out and Michael logs in to begin locking and unlocking.  Now I have no problem with guys playing female characters.  I do have a problem with guys pretending to be girls playing girl characters.  Something about it just creeps me out.  This will ensure that I will lose no sleep over taking anything from this house.

Michael logs out and Sir Zoloft logs in to begin the decoration.  A chest is unlocked and a dye tub is placed on the floor.  I quickly nab the chest and realize it's empty.  I place it down as fast as I can so as not to reveal my position.  Sir Zoloft manages to get the tub locked down before I can grab it.  I think this is going to be a little longer than planned.  As it turns out, it will be a lot longer.  Michael logs back in and proceeds to move things around for 30 minutes.  I almost go insane from waiting, but my time is about to pay off.

"Heather" logs back in after Michael places a few undyed chests upstairs.  She leaves the house for a few moments and Orion (who is named Frasier) moves into position seconds before she returns.  I prepare myself for the loot.  Michael logs back in and unlocks the dye tub.  With a quickness, his loot now belongs to me.  For a second he is stunned, and then panic sets in.

Sir Zoloft logs back in and franticly searches all over the house.  It's not upstairs, downstairs, behind the paintings, or behind the house.  Worry not Sir Zoloft!  It's in my bag, safe and sound.

Normally I am excited for my victims to know my identity, but not today.  For a few minutes I must wait for my chance to leave unnoticed.  Sir Zoloft begins talking to himself, and I wonder if it is a bluff.  After some time though, I am convinced that a GM is here now.  I remember an episode of Belan's where a GM took the legally looted item and gave it back to the victim.  Damn!  Even though I have done nothing wrong, I fear for my loot.

I'm sure the conversation went something like:  "Was anyone here?"  "no"  "Someone may have taken it." "no one was here though" "People can hide you know." "I nkow that...did it fall under house or anything?"  "Can you use the detect hidden skill?" "yes."  I think the hiding game is over.

"And you are sure no one was here." "I very sure...they would have took the 30k dp kegs...or the chest full of rares."  Now just for the record, at no time did this magical chest full of rares ever get released.  And who wants a 30k DP keg when I can have your Furniture Dye Tub?

The jig us up!  I think this picture is worth more than the Furniture Dye Tub.  The utter shock is what a looter lives for.  Orion (Frasier) decides to stroll on in since a GM must be present.

Tis a holy place!

As soon as I see this GM message, I know the Furniture Dye Tub is ours.  And the secret is out: Sir Zoloft, Michael, and "Heather" (a dude.) are one in the same.  Ewwwwww!

How dare he accuse me!  I am an honorable person!  Actually, how dare his parents ever reproduce, since he is obviously retarded enough to believe me.

Well we don't take kindly to furniture dying, dude/women around these parts!  You need not worry about wasting time dying your furniture anymore.  Looters Inc. has saved you hours, so you can get that taming above 70!

A little slow?  Let's try inbred.  That suits him better.  Orion (Frasier) and I bid Sir Zoloft/Michael/"Heather" good night, since there is much more loot on Chesapeake to claim!

Amen.  Kudos to a GM that knows and follows the rules they enforce.

And here it is, your moment of Zen:

Today's Lesson:  Most girls on UO are dudes.